We all know this person.
They are not necessarily the most beautiful or handsome, best dressed or smartest person in the room, but they have something special. You have a little crush on them, or wish you could be like them. And everyone else wants to be around them too.
What is that thing they’ve got? And how do you get some of that?
Good news is, you can. Naturally charming and likeable people all have certain qualities that, with practice, you can have too.
And we have the list! Six habits of naturally attractive people.
If you don’t believe you deserve it, why would anyone else?
We know all the reasons why we won’t get that job, or meet that guy or girl, or reach that fitness goal. But what about the reasons we should achieve what we want? The law of attraction says we get what we focus on. Practice a positive mindset.
It’s confidence. Not walking into a room like you’re the best thing since sliced bread – it’s about inner confidence in yourself, in others and in situations.
A quiet, confident belief that good things are happening. Because you expect them to. This type of confidence is an infinitely attractive trait. If you have it, people respond well to you. Social interaction goes well, feels good and guess what? Good things happen!
If you believe good things will happen when you meet another person, they feel that positive energy too. When something you say or do makes someone smile, or lights up their face it feels great.
Turning this into a natural habit takes practice.
Write down the reasons why you should get the job, or why that person will like you. When you ‘internalise’ the positives, situations are easier to deal with even if you don’t get the result you want.
Each day, notice when you make someone smile, or when people react well to something you said. When you do this, you are training your brain to see positive traits in yourself. You are seeing the best in you.
And when you do, others do too. You will give off that appealing quality you are drawn to in others.
Stop. Think. Meditate.
That amazing person doesn’t just mindlessly float around being incredible, you know! They think. They are mindful of their presence.
Its normal to get a little nervous or stressed before a new situation or meeting new people. But nervous and fearful doesn’t show us in our best light. Mindfully preparing yourself for the situation is not only incredibly valuable, it is respectful to the people or the situation you are meeting. Attractive people make others feel valued and respected.
Always stop and take a little time. Breathe and focus on positives. Call it a ‘mini meditation’ if you like. Meditation lowers stress levels, and anxiety, impulsiveness, and worry, all of which often lead to social blunders. It strengthens your mental strength and focus, creativity, and memory, qualities which are key to good conversation and building relationships. Do mini meditations through the day, or better still take 20 minutes to meditate every day and the positive energy will flow out – and back in again!
People will be attracted to your natural inner calm and self-assurance.
No-one’s perfect. What a relief!
No-one is perfect. No, not even them!
Modern social culture can make us believe we are somehow weak if we come across as less than perfect. Not true.
Amazing people do this thing – personal congruence – when words, thoughts and actions all align. The result is authenticity – and others perceive a real and deep self-assurance in you which is totally attractive. And in response to your ‘real you’, they can be ‘real’ around you and they can relate to you – which makes people feel comfortable and empowered.
It’s about being honest and embracing your true feelings. This way of being is very endearing. Being a genuine human being, flaws and all, is infinitely more charming than a false show of perfection.
Like yourself. Forgive yourself your weaknesses and be yourself. People will love you for it.
Do what you want.
Seriously – do exactly what you want! It’s not selfish – it’s real!
Here’s the psychology of this. If you spend your time doing things because you feel you should, you are involved in seeking validation from other people. When you do the things you want to, you are a happier, more well-rounded, content and interesting person.
Instead of half-heartedly doing what all your group does, be madly passionate about your own pursuits. Skydiving or knitting – if you love it, your passion shines through.
And nothing is more attractive than the person who is genuinely having a great time in life.
Don’t get wrapped up in needing to be liked. Amazing people are liked because they are having a great time, doing what they love and they don’t need your ‘likes’ because those guys already like themselves. These people are infectious.
The most charming and likeable people are the true listeners. They make your heart skip when they remember something you said – because they genuinely listened to you. It’s an old-school trait that knocks us out with its politeness and good grace.
Stop the nervous gabbling. We overtalk because we’re trying so hard to create a connection, but when we gabble we don’t listen.
It’s in listening that you can truly understand a person and what makes them tick. And when someone feels like you ‘get’ them – its powerful. They love you for it.
A listener has an open mind. They have empathy and they know how to connect. They will draw people to them like no one else.
Get Over it!
We established you’re not perfect. Join the club. And get this – not everyone is going to love you all the time. That can be disheartening, or it can be totally liberating.
If you spend the time agonising over why that person didn’t melt in your presence, you’re in for a long and difficult ride! And you are training your brain to see only the negatives. When you face a rejection, it is rarely about your defects. Sometimes, personalities or agendas just don’t blend. That’s life – not a personal failure.
People with innate appeal don’t carry that burden of failure around with them. And that is very appealing.
Instead, they accept that one size does not fit all, and they move on. The ironic thing about being that truly, deeply appealing or attractive person is they know they’re not perfect for everybody and they don’t much care, because they like themselves regardless.
The most important relationship you have is with you. Work on that. Get it to a happy place. And when you do 1- 5 above become natural habits.
Congrats! You are now that amazing person in the room. Go get ‘em.